College Confusion

Hello there! It has been quite sometime since my last post and a whole lot has gone on. It is now summer, and in this little hometown of mine it is so darn HOT! Last time I posted it was nice and cold. I yearn for that time of year again. Anyways, college confusion. What do I mean?
Well, there are a few people that I know that have had an inkling of what they wanted to be when they grew up since they were little. My husband is one of those people. He knew since he was a wee lad that he wanted to be a lawyer. For people like me, though, we change our minds and dreams by the day. I have been up and down like a rollercoaster trying to figure out what it is that I want to spend the majority of my life doing. When I was little I wanted to be a veterinarian then it changed to a teacher. I have tried pursuing a teaching career as a history major, then a liberal studies major. Now, since working in an family daycare I decided to change unofficially to a child development major. But, the thing is, as I have been working with little ones for quite some time now, I have come to the realization that I really don't want to work with under 5 years old. I have also been teetering on whether I want to start up a photography career with my brother who is very into videography and filming. Ever since I had my first ever camera, I have been obsessed with taking photos everywhere I go. I love it. I know that depending on your personality and area, though, it could be very hard to keep photography as one's sole career and income. Also on my list of what to become is a cosmetologist, another passion of mine is doing people's hair. Not so much my own- hence the dreads.
I have already spent 3 years doing undergraduate schooling getting all my general education done and I have no idea where I really want to be or what I really want to do. There is so much pressure to make this huge life altering decision and I definitely do not want to spend my life in school. I have this anticipation for getting my life started, already working in a career with a steady income, living in a home of my own or a place of my choice rather than the most convenient opportunity. A lot of people say you have your whole life to figure it out, but the thing is...I don't want to spend my whole life figuring out a goal. I want to start living. I want to travel the world and do the things I love, but it's so hard when you're being held down by social requirements. Well there is my little huff puff for the day. If you have had or have these feelings also tell me about them. I would love to hear some of your ideas and advice.

Until next time

Cheers,

Bree

Nothing is as good as sweater weather

The last post was depressing...yikes! Well today I bring you a much, much happier post...at least I hope so! 

I am so stoked for it to finally be sweater and boot weather! I absolutely love being in the cold. I always say,"when you're in the cold, at least you can grab a cup of hot cocoa, a few blankets and cuddle up to keep warm. When you're in the heat there is no escaping unless you have that moolah to spend on the AC." So yes, I prefer the cold weather. That's why one day I hope to live somewhere where it rains - a lot. Being surrounded by the rain gives me peace and comfort. Maybe even live somewhere where it snows for awhile. I know a lot of people say that after some time you get over the snow and it becomes irritating to have to shovel out the snow from the driveway and off your car and such but, I think I would quite enjoy it. At least until my pipes start to crack and we run out of hot water. I make myself laugh. 

So, currently it is cold. I am sitting at my desk wearing boots and an old baggy sweater my dad gave me and I have a cup of hot white chocolate mocha. I had nothing that I needed to do today so I took advantage and was lazy all day. I watched Parenthood on Netflix, munched on what soft candies I could (I got my wisdom teeth removed), and curled up under the blankets with my pooch, Marley. It's safe to say that today was a good day. If only my hubby could have had the day off so that we could have cuddled and watched movies together. I want to look back and remember today and how easy it could be sometimes, especially on days that are dark. That is why I am making this post. That is why I make any of my posts. As reminders. As a sort of online diary that I share with readers. I know I don't have a specific theme or whatever to my blog like some usually do. I guess that IS my theme...themeless. I have a themeless, random blog about life where I update you on my current situations or moods and attempt to keep posting every now and then. Which is quite fitting for me. I hope it is interesting enough for you. I like you. Although I don't know you...is there anybody out there? Well I like you anyways. Even if you don't know it. 

Cheers,

Bree

I was going to try to make this post cheery and such, but that's not the place I am in right now. This should probably be in a journal or something, but I don't keep one. I don't know if it is just me or if other people feel the way that I do...sometimes I just feel like being alone. Complete solitude. I feel like taking a huge step back, away from the stream of humans and chaos in this world, and just breath. Now, in this perfect solitude that I wish myself away to, I would bring my husband and my precious pup, Marley. That's it. No one to judge me, to tell me what to do, or how to live my life.
 I often feel suffocated by all the social requirements that are pressed into me as a woman, a young adult, and a wife. Not to give any implications that there is anything wrong with my marriage. I married my soul mate. And although everyone who ever gets married truly believes this is true at some point, I know it's true. But I don't have to prove it to anyone. It's others around us who are trying to manipulate our relationship into what they have pictured as how it "should" be. That I have "wifely" duties that I need to uphold. That's not how we work, though. We know how to do things that fits us. But they are pretty important people in our lives, so we can't just brush them off as if they weren't. We need to pretend we are taking their judgements into some kind of consideration or at least pretend to do so.
As a young adult I feel the weight of having to get a job, which is necessary, getting good grades in school so that I can graduate, paying bills, and all that comes with growing up. All that is a given. We all grow up and that is life. I also have the pressure of society's image of how a woman of my age should look and hold herself. I have the worldly image burned into my mind of what others think I am supposed to be. I try not to let this bother me, as most women do, but it is so difficult. I look in the mirror and I feel conscious of every curve of my body, whether it be natural or self inflicted with my crazy love for junk food, and I pity the person who has to look at me...
...but then I take a deep breath, close my eyes and tell myself "You are beautifully and wonderfully made in the perfect image of God." If it weren't for those who keep me looking up, I don't know where I would be. Those people who love me make my world go 'round. And that is where I become conflicted with my place of solidity.
I have already lived a small amount of hours away from my family for the first time in 2012. Just me, my husband, and my sister. We were going to university and it was the first time we were living on our own. It was pretty good for the most part. It was only by the horrible incident of a car accident that we were even going to be able to see my family and my husband's family during christmas time. Otherwise, it would have been until spring break in April that we were going to see them. It was difficult on us. We both grew up with pretty big families. Always surrounded by someone. That is my issue. I love to be alone sometimes...but I also love to be surrounded by family and friends. Sitting at the table telling stories of when we were young and reckless, listening, laughing...my heart beats for times like these.
I get into what I have diagnosed myself as little bouts of depression. They just hit me out of nowhere. I just want to sit and cry awhile. I want to get up and walk out of the house and not come back. I don't want to be questioned about where I am going, what I am doing, or what I am feeling because I just don't know. I just want to sit and not talk and for that to be ok....ok?
No talking. Just silence.

Take me to that place Lord!

This song has pulled at my heart strings since the first day that I heard it in church one sunday. It has become my prayer, and after a really tough day (or couple of weeks I should say), lets me know that God is here with me even through the messy stuff.

Take me to that place, Lord, to that secret place  where I can be with You! You can make me like You.

Today I was really getting frustrated with all the statistics homework that I have to get done (and hardly understand) as well as study for my first  test tomorrow and start memorizing all, and I do mean ALL, of the bones in the body for my human anatomy class. I kept feeling so unintelligent and wanted to just give up and turn it in as is. I gave myself some time and started to try again later. And you know what? I sat down and Prayed right before I started again and I turned on my 'God Time' playlist and all of a sudden I'm flying through these questions like there was no tomorrow. Little things like this reassure me that God is by my side waiting for me to turn to him. It's easy as making cereal. I know that sometimes, though, we just see the bad in everything and are too proud to give in to the little voice saying "I'm right here. All you need to do is ask." I LOVE the LORD!!! GOD is good. All the time. (Even when I don't think so ;) )


Cheers,


Bree

I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me...

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me...can't I? Then why do I feel like it's absolutely impossible to do everything at this moment? I know...I know who it is trying to get me to feel this frustration and doubt...and I'm trying my hardest not to let him win. It is so unforgivably hard right now. I keep questioning my future, my intentions, my abilities, and my strengths. The devil is highlighting my weaknesses and putting them on a pedestal for me to look at constantly and it is really getting me down in the dumps. I understand what I must do...easier said than done, though. I need to turn my face towards my strength and ask for his help, because without him how will I get anything done? My emotions are spun out, my stress levels are high, my brain is at full capacity and my memory is taking a vacation. Lord, help me! Because right now...I am so lost...I don't know what to do with myself. I feel like a failure and like I will never achieve the goals I have set for myself. There it is. I set for myself. I. Not God. Maybe this is God telling me that this is not what he has planned for me. I certainly need to pray about it. If not, then I will be going in circles. I will be without a purpose. Well, not without a purpose, because my purpose will always be there waiting for me to continue on, but I will not be following my purpose. *SIGH* I'm sorry for such a confusing post. I should have wrote this in my journal...but I felt the need to put it on my blog. I don't know why. I haven't even been posting for awhile. It's so hard to remember to post for me. Like I said...my memory is on vacation. And to think I was so excited for school to start...

Sorry.



Cheers,


Bree

Currently: College Edition Vol. 6

Alrighty, so I'm not going to say I'm sorry, because let's face it...I am absolutely horrible at keeping up with this thing, and I have been super busy! I can not keep on apologizing for every single post I miss out on if I don't intend to do something about it. Which doesn't mean I don't want to keep posting- I do. It's just that I know I am going to keep this random absence up until I truly get into the swing of things and until then I will just have to ask you to bare with me, people! As always, without further ado, my currently: college edition...



Thinking About: I am thinking about so much right now, I kid you not! School starts in two shorts days, which means my summer has about come to an end. School, school, school...yay! I am pretty excited (for the time being) about school starting back up and me being able to go to class and actually DO something...but I am a little scared because I got a new job (which I have been praying so badly about!!! THANK-YOU JESUS!!!) and this particular job for this particular family is definitely going to test me. I am a babysitter now/part-time nanny. Every other week I stay the night with the munchkins: a 3 month old, Kora, a 5 year old, Nate, and an 11 year old, Nick. On the off weekends I  babysit throughout the day, BUT, what worries me is that on the weekends that I do stay the night with the kiddos (getting no sleep what-so-ever because, again,  Kora is a 3 month old) and having to sleep except for about 2 hours the next morning before my classes, go to my classes all day, and then turn around and go back to babysitting until very,very late at night is definitely going to keep me on edge. "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" (Phil 4:13) That is what I will be going by for the next year or so. I can do it!!!

Reading: I haven't had much time for reading thus far. I still need to finish the book from the last time I posted. I probably have only read about a page and half since I last posted...that is so sad...so sad...

Listening To: What have I been listening to? hmm...that's a hard one. There hasn't been a specific song  that has been keeping me on my toes. Mostly, I just play my playlist titled "Bree" and sing along to every song on that thing. Which is why it is titled "Bree". Because I can sing every single song on that playlist, horribly I might add, but I do know the lyrics. It's the playlist that I put on whilst we travel from town to town, or even down the street to the grocery store. I would link some kind of cool website where you can listen to the kind of songs I listen to...if only I had one...*sigh* Get it together, man!

Watching: Wow, I feel like I have been very boring these past two weeks!!! Again, I've got nothing. I suppose I can put "The Lego Movie" since that is all that seems to be playing all day every day while I babysit. Boy, does Nate love that movie!!! I've probably seen it about 10 times in the past 5 days that I have been babysitting...

Thankful For: I am so extremely thankful for my job!!! Although at times it can be taxing, I find that I have been so blessed to have gotten this job. The family is incredibly kind and the children (and baby) are so sweet. I couldn't have asked for a better opportunity right now. It proves to be a great experience as well as good practice for my future in teaching little ones and having my own little ones.

Praying For: Oh, Lord! Please give me the strength to stay focused in school. Give me the energy to stay on top of my homework even when I am chasing the little munchkins around! Help me to see passed the stress I might feel or the emotional roller coaster I am about to board.


There you have it, my passed to weeks in a few paragraphs. Until next time!


Cheers,


Bree

    A Mama Collective

Currently: College Edition Vol. 5

So, I am obviously horrible about keeping a consistency within my blogging, but...late is better then none at all. With out further ado, here is my currently....

Thinking About: What am I thinking about? hmm...School is soon approaching and I am super excited!!! I know that the feeling will go away almost immediately after classes have begun, especially when I start getting loads and loads of homework.

Reading: Right now I am reading a random book I got off of amazon for my kindle. I don't think it is even sold in paper. It is a pretty good one thus far. It's called "A Taste of Romance" by Roni Denholtz.

Listening To: There is this song that I came across that am obsessed with. It is a little risqué, but none the less I like the general message the singer is talking about...plus the tune is catchy! (I think so)

Watching: Actually, I haven't been watching anything. I canceled my Netflix account for my own good. Besides a movie now and again I have been mostly reading or doing chores.

Thankful For: I am so thankful for LOVE! Love has been in the air this past weekend and I thank God everyday for marriage!

Praying For: The happiness and commitment in my uncle's new marriage. 

Here are some photos of my week:

Scary Eyes

My niece Calia

All ready for the wedding!

I've got the best looking husband!!!

My sister Eva and the bride Rocio

My brothers Ivan and Cesar and the bride

My parents and the bride (my dad's face though...)

My dad and me :)

Exchanging rings

The candle <3 td="">

It was a Mexican styled wedding

Super cute cake!!!

Dog slobber kisses from Marley

My sister and I

There you have it! My very short currently. I hope you enjoyed this week's and I am going to try my hardest to get a schedule going on so that I am not late or missing one!!!

Cheers,

Bree

A Mama Collective